Hey lovelies! Boy have I ever missed you guys. I hope that you are all doing well and that you are getting excited for Christmas! Christmas is easily my favourite time of year because everything seems so much more joyful and everyone seems to be in the giving spirit. Anyways, I could go on about Christmas forever, but that’s not what this blog post is about. Since it’s been an eon since I last wrote, I wanted to do a kind of reflection on my own life and give myself a bit of a pat on the back – and maybe give you guys a little bit of hope that if you are in a tough spot, everything will be okay. Maybe not right away, maybe it will take some time, but you will be okay. I promise.
Of course, as with everything, there is a backstory as to why I am writing this post and at this time. So here goes – for the last month or so my car (which I literally JUST had safetied in October) has been pulling really hard to the right and my steering wheel has been shaking. I have been putting off getting it looked at because, let’s be honest, we all know that vehicle stuff is expensive, but it started to get worse so yesterday I ripped off the band-aid so to speak and brought my car to the shop. As I’m sitting there waiting and feeling nauseous because I am dreading how expensive whatever was wrong with my car was going to be, the mechanic tells me to come into the shop. Turns out, lucky me, my entire front breaks (pads, rotors, etc.) need to be replaced.
Now, I had had minimal sleep the night before this and had just been at a staff Christmas part for 3 hours, I was exhausted, and had just found out my car was going to cost me close to $500. So, for lack of better wording, I pretty much lost my shit. I got back into my car to drive it home because it was Wednesday, and they couldn’t work on it until the following Monday. I then realized I would have to figure out rides to my various jobs for the rest of the week and I just started crying. Sobbing actually might be a better word. It was kind of ridiculous in hindsight – everything that happened was a totally manageable situation, but for whatever reason I just couldn’t seem to manage it in that moment.
Flash forward an hour or so and I’m at work when I get this text from my mom: “Is your car a pain in the ass, absolutely. But look at where you are this year as opposed to where you were last year. I know it’s really easy to get bogged down in the things that go wrong, but when they do, take a minute to look at all the things that have gone right.”
I got two amazing new jobs this year, both of which I love. I celebrated 22 years of being me by going on a trip with some of my best friends and we had the most amazing weekend together. Probably my biggest accomplishment to date happened this year too, because I graduated university. After four long and very difficult years, I finally got to cross the stage and get my diploma – which I think was well earned and I still can’t really believe that I did THAT. With the support of about a million people, I graduated, and with honours at that.
I chaperoned my sister’s grade 8 graduation trip and had the best time travelling with her and spending quality sister time together. We explored, shopped, and made so many amazing memories. I also camped a lot which you all know that I love. I also bought a new (to me) car all on my own this summer! I met so many cute new puppies in my family – which lets be honest is one of the best things. I got to try new things like paddle-boarding which turns out is much harder than it actually looks. I went to another concert with my amazing mom, met the opening act for a picture, and had such a fun mother-daughter date.
And guess what else? I met someone. Over almost one year later after having my heart shattered and falling into a horrid depression, I was able to open my heart up little by little to the possibility of being happy again – and happy with someone new. Together we have had family Thanksgivings, gone to a wedding, and most recently attended my staff Christmas party together. I love doing life with him and I am so happy I took the chance to start dating again.
Also in November I attended and spoke at my first ever academic conference. I was so lucky to be accompanied by one of my best friends – and on her birthday too! We had the most amazing weekend and everyone at the conference was so lovely, I am so happy to have been able to have that experience.
So…now here I am. Remembering how bad things were last year at this time, how heartbroken I was, how badly I wanted back into a relationship that took everything out of me, and how alone I felt. Looking back, I feel so lucky to be where I am right now – broken car and all. I have accomplished so much this year and I have so much to be proud of and so much to be thankful for.
My mom’s advice in her text might be more helpful than my own here – but my advice to you is to try not to get caught up in the little things that seem difficult. Remember how far you have come and that if you are going through a particularly hard spot right now, it will get better. I believe in you. You have so much to be proud of, and so many people are rooting for you! Try not to get bogged down in what has gone wrong – focus on what has gone right.
I’m cheering for ya!
Love always,
Hailey
Hailey 