Hey lovelies! Happy 2021 🙂 Normally around this time of year I write some kind of reflection post on the past year, but honestly, 2020 was trash. I know I’m not the only one that feels that way, so there is really no reason for me to write a post where all I do is complain. Instead, I am going to write about a big shaping moment that occurred in 2020.
Today’s post is one I hoped I would never have to write – or at least for a very long time. But before I really get into it, I want to explain my title a little bit and what it means to me.
I was reading an article on a news site a number of months ago and the title was similar to mine, but with a different name than Lilly. The “Golden Mile” was referring to a long stretch of sunflower field along a highway in a valley. This was a stretch of road that my grandmother (Gam) and my aunt used to drive all the time on their “jaunts” together. Ironically, the name used in the article was my grandmother’s name – though it was referring to the owner of the field. The whole piece reminded me of Gam. She loved that drive that the piece referred to, the title had her name in it, and the pictures of those sunflowers were bright like her. Gam’s nickname, though, was Lilly. It was what all her sisters called her. So this piece is Lilly’s Golden Mile, my Gam.
We all knew Gam was sick, she knew she was sick, and she knew her timeline. She talked a lot about dying in the last few months – I think to make it feel more normal for her. One thing she said was that she did NOT want an obituary, a funeral, or anything like that. She was happy to quietly disappear. But she was quite truly my biggest fan, she loved my writing and was so proud of my blog, so I asked her if I could write something about her after she was gone. She said yes. However, then it was up to me to decide when to write it, and what to write, because how do you encompass in a few paragraphs someone who was everything to you?
September 2nd, 2020 was the day she passed, one week before her 64th birthday. Today is four months since she gained her wings and that means I have had four months to try to find the right words. The thing is, I don’t think I’ll ever have the right words, but I’m going to try my best.
I don’t recall if I’ve mentioned in any post before, but my mom was young when she had me so my Gam was kind of like a second mom to me. My mom often worked nights so she could sleep in the morning while I spent time with Gam, then mom would be able to spend the whole day with me. She truly was a super mom, but I loved any time I got to spend with Gam, I was her little buddy, her Bebo – that was her nickname for me. We did everything together, but our favourite thing to do together was shop. She truly made a monster out of me lol, I still spend way too much money shopping and it’s still one of my favourite things to do (my poor credit card).
Something else we loved was to play board games. We kind of invented our own version of the game “Clue,” and we played it all the time. I remember there was one whole summer we spent sitting on her balcony playing games and keeping tally of who won on the concrete window sill. I could probably take up pages and pages writing about all the things we did together and all the things I loved about her, but really what I want to get across is what an amazing person she was.
She cared so much about her little family and she would have done anything for us. She was always there too, no matter how big or how small the occasion she was just always there. Whenever anyone in our family had any kind of event or graduation or whatever it may be, she was always there. And we could always call her, any time of the day and she would pick up even if she was asleep. She was kind of like the glue that held us all together.
Before she passed, I promised her that I would take care of everyone, most especially her prized chiweenie (that’s right, a chihuahua/weiner dog mix). I’m doing the best I can, but I know that really it’s her taking care of us as our guardian angel. Even though we can’t see her, I know she’s there. She believed in angels and she talked to them and asked them for help and guidance. That’s how I know she’s up there with them, watching and guiding us and I hope she knows how proud I am of her. I made sure to tell her before she left on her next adventure, but I think she is so brave for not being afraid and that makes me so proud of her. She looked at her passing as going on to the next adventure – somewhere with a cabin and all of her dogs. I hope more than anything that she found it.
I wrote her a letter that I read to her a few days before she passed. I want to reproduce part of that here as a reminder to my family, and a reminder to her: “We’ll be okay. Not right away, and maybe not for awhile, but we will be. Because we have each other and you did that. You made such an amazing family and I’m so happy that I’m a part of it, I am the way I am because you helped raise me. You turned me into the person I am, and so much of you will always be a part of me.”
Christmas without you was a little smaller, and a little quieter, but we tried to laugh a little bit louder so you could hear us. We miss you, but I know you are watching over us and that brings me a little peace. Until we meet again Gam, I loves ya bugs ya and you are always in our hearts – not a day goes by that we don’t think about you. I hope that we are making you proud.
Hey y’all – it’s been a minute. Every time I try to sit and write it seems like I have everything and nothing to say all at once – strange I know. I just never seem to know what I want to write about. I have a number of posts sitting incomplete in my drafts because nothing seems right. Even this to me seems like it might not be good enough, but maybe it isn’t about being good enough, maybe it’s just about writing for the sake of writing. It’s been so long since I’ve written, and it’s always seemed healing to me in the past. So here I am, not really sure what I want to say, but knowing I want to say something. My grandma (Gam) told me to just write what I feel, and maybe it will help someone in these crazy times – so here we go, some thoughts on how I feel right now.
Of course no blog post would be complete without and overindulgent picture of myself – so here’s one of me on a hot day last weekend. One of the rare moments I “dressed up,” because with working from home and not really being able to go anywhere I don’t do my hair and makeup very often anymore.
It’s hard to really know where to start because so much has happened in the last few months, but when all of this started back in March, I was a wreck. I take a little solace in knowing that of course I was not the only one. The Coronavirus didn’t really enter my country until March, but for a week I would anxiously watch the number of cases rise and read every news article I could find on the topic. I’ve mentioned before about my struggles with anxiety and depression – so needless to say reading the news excessively was NOT a good idea.
By March 12th I had developed physical symptoms of my anxiety; cough, chest tightness, crying at the drop of a hat, and insomnia. Fun fact (that isn’t actually all that fun), but with anxiety, you can actually manifest symptoms of illnesses if it’s an illness that you are constantly concerned about (aka COVID). Hence why I had chest tightness and a cough. That night I thought I would go to my boyfriend’s brother’s birthday party to try and take my mind off everything – as well as letting my boss know I would be taking a sick day the following day, a Friday, for my mental health.
The party did not help, I had a gallbladder attack which turned into an anxiety attack, which I had not had in ages. I should also say that I had been taking anxiety medication for the year prior, but had been off it for about a month at this point. By the following day I was inconsolable and began taking my anxiety medication again, which to me felt like I had failed. I had failed at managing my feelings, I had failed at coping, and I had failed at a goal of being anxiety med free.
YOU DID NOT FAIL. If you have had to resort back to anxiety medication, you did not fail. If you started eating more desserts than usual, you did not fail. If you have started watching more Netflix and reading less, you did not fail. These times are not normal and it took me weeks to realize that everyone is dealing with this differently, and your way of coping does not mean you have failed because it’s different than someone else’s. I was reading all these stories about people maintaining their regular work days, their regular exercise regimes, getting dressed and doing their hair every day. That wasn’t me, so I felt like I was failing. Let me say it again for the people in the back, YOU DID NOT FAIL.
I work from home, I’m lucky to still have a job, but I don’t get dressed for work in the morning. I throw a blanket over my pyjamas and sit criss-cross applesauce in my work chair. I don’t put makeup on for Zoom meetings, and I don’t do my hair. I sit at my computer for 7 hours a day, go for a few walks, and watch TV with my mom at night. I try to read more, but I end up watching TikTok. I didn’t fail, I’m just trying to figure out a new normal. Working from home everyday is weird. Not seeing my family and friends is weird. Whatever you are doing to cope right now is OKAY.
We can get through this together, you and me. Some days I cry just because it all feels a bit too much, some days the sun is shining and I bring my work outside with me for the afternoon and I feel happy. I wasn’t able to go anywhere for months because I have asthma and when I get sick on a good day it always goes right to my chest. I couldn’t go anywhere because my baby brother has non-verbal autism and couldn’t tell us if he didn’t feel good. Just this past week I started trying to go places again (wearing a mask and using all the hand sanitizer) and it’s scary. It’s okay to be scared too.
If we are being honest, I’m struggling. A lot of us are. Things are changing both in the world around me and in my personal life. I don’t know what the future holds because I don’t even know what the day will hold when I wake up in the morning. I have a lot of thoughts on COVID, but my main one is that I wish everyone took it as seriously as it should be taken because I do believe that a second wave is coming. Until that happens I am going to try and live some semblance of normal and try and do things like go to the grocery store again. It’s something so small, but for months it terrified me and was something I couldn’t do.
Quarantine Birthday Queen.
I’m not sure what else to say – there are a lot of things I’m not sure of right now, and truth be told I’m feeling a little lost. But I know that that’s okay, and maybe you and I can find our way back together. If any of you reading this are struggling, please reach out, I’d love to chat. I don’t claim to know everything, but I do know what it’s like to have nightmares every night for months, what it’s like to be scared, what it’s like to struggle.
I have so many thoughts that it seems hard to put them all down in words, so for now I’ll leave you with this – you are doing you’re best. I’m doing my best. We might be having a hard time, but at least we are trying. So do the online shopping if it makes you feel happy, bake the cake and eat it too, go for a 6k run if that’s your things, but please don’t give up. We can do this together.
PS – I’m sorry if there are spelling mistakes or I ramble, I’m not editing this as I usually would, because I worry if I went back and edited this, I would end up deleting the whole thing or wouldn’t post it at all. I’ve been avoiding writing for months because nothing has felt good enough and I know if I edit this it won’t feel good enough. But that isn’t why I’m writing this – to be good enough – I’m writing this for myself to finally get some of my thoughts out, and I’m writing this for you in the hopes that it might make you feel just a little less alone. I love you guys.
Hey lovelies! Boy have I ever missed you guys. I hope that you are all doing well and that you are getting excited for Christmas! Christmas is easily my favourite time of year because everything seems so much more joyful and everyone seems to be in the giving spirit. Anyways, I could go on about Christmas forever, but that’s not what this blog post is about. Since it’s been an eon since I last wrote, I wanted to do a kind of reflection on my own life and give myself a bit of a pat on the back – and maybe give you guys a little bit of hope that if you are in a tough spot, everything will be okay. Maybe not right away, maybe it will take some time, but you will be okay. I promise.
What a good day looked like before everything fell apart last year.
Of course, as with everything, there is a backstory as to why I am writing this post and at this time. So here goes – for the last month or so my car (which I literally JUST had safetied in October) has been pulling really hard to the right and my steering wheel has been shaking. I have been putting off getting it looked at because, let’s be honest, we all know that vehicle stuff is expensive, but it started to get worse so yesterday I ripped off the band-aid so to speak and brought my car to the shop. As I’m sitting there waiting and feeling nauseous because I am dreading how expensive whatever was wrong with my car was going to be, the mechanic tells me to come into the shop. Turns out, lucky me, my entire front breaks (pads, rotors, etc.) need to be replaced.
Now, I had had minimal sleep the night before this and had just been at a staff Christmas part for 3 hours, I was exhausted, and had just found out my car was going to cost me close to $500. So, for lack of better wording, I pretty much lost my shit. I got back into my car to drive it home because it was Wednesday, and they couldn’t work on it until the following Monday. I then realized I would have to figure out rides to my various jobs for the rest of the week and I just started crying. Sobbing actually might be a better word. It was kind of ridiculous in hindsight – everything that happened was a totally manageable situation, but for whatever reason I just couldn’t seem to manage it in that moment.
Flash forward an hour or so and I’m at work when I get this text from my mom: “Is your car a pain in the ass, absolutely. But look at where you are this year as opposed to where you were last year. I know it’s really easy to get bogged down in the things that go wrong, but when they do, take a minute to look at all the things that have gone right.”
I got two amazing new jobs this year, both of which I love. I celebrated 22 years of being me by going on a trip with some of my best friends and we had the most amazing weekend together. Probably my biggest accomplishment to date happened this year too, because I graduated university. After four long and very difficult years, I finally got to cross the stage and get my diploma – which I think was well earned and I still can’t really believe that I did THAT. With the support of about a million people, I graduated, and with honours at that.
I chaperoned my sister’s grade 8 graduation trip and had the best time travelling with her and spending quality sister time together. We explored, shopped, and made so many amazing memories. I also camped a lot which you all know that I love. I also bought a new (to me) car all on my own this summer! I met so many cute new puppies in my family – which lets be honest is one of the best things. I got to try new things like paddle-boarding which turns out is much harder than it actually looks. I went to another concert with my amazing mom, met the opening act for a picture, and had such a fun mother-daughter date.
And guess what else? I met someone. Over almost one year later after having my heart shattered and falling into a horrid depression, I was able to open my heart up little by little to the possibility of being happy again – and happy with someone new. Together we have had family Thanksgivings, gone to a wedding, and most recently attended my staff Christmas party together. I love doing life with him and I am so happy I took the chance to start dating again.
Also in November I attended and spoke at my first ever academic conference. I was so lucky to be accompanied by one of my best friends – and on her birthday too! We had the most amazing weekend and everyone at the conference was so lovely, I am so happy to have been able to have that experience.
So…now here I am. Remembering how bad things were last year at this time, how heartbroken I was, how badly I wanted back into a relationship that took everything out of me, and how alone I felt. Looking back, I feel so lucky to be where I am right now – broken car and all. I have accomplished so much this year and I have so much to be proud of and so much to be thankful for.
My mom’s advice in her text might be more helpful than my own here – but my advice to you is to try not to get caught up in the little things that seem difficult. Remember how far you have come and that if you are going through a particularly hard spot right now, it will get better. I believe in you. You have so much to be proud of, and so many people are rooting for you! Try not to get bogged down in what has gone wrong – focus on what has gone right.
So I actually started this post mid-February and have been plucking away at it here and there as I’ve had time. My biggest problem was what to title it; I waffled for a long time before settling on the third part in my Heartbreak blog post series (what a horrible thing to have a series of, I realize this lol). I have been wanting to tell this story for a long time, but wasn’t sure how to tell it, or if I would have the courage to publish it once I told it. If anything, I want to tell it to get it off my chest, to finally say what I have been feeling for months because I felt like I couldn’t explain or articulate how I felt to my friends or family, so I hope in writing this I will find my voice. It’s a long one though, so please read to the end, grab some snacks if you need them –Â here goes nothing.
This is a picture of the love of my life and myself on the day that he told me he was falling in love with me.
Before we get here, though, let me tell you about how we met. When I was in my second semester of my second year of university I took a course with a title that was something like “Witches and Witch Hunts in Europe.” I sat with one of my best friends at the time and he sat in the row to my left with some other girl. I didn’t know a lot of people in that class because this was my first year as a history major (previously I had only specialized in English), so I had no idea who he was.
My friend actually asked me one day if I thought he was cute, and I said yes. She then asked me if I knew if the girl he sat with was his girlfriend or not and I said I didn’t know. It never really went farther than that and we both kind of dropped the subject. But I remember the day she asked me that, I was walking to the parking lot or something after class and I saw him walking in another direction and I stood and watched him for a moment. I had never really looked at him before, you know? I think he was wearing plaid, but that was the first time I ever stopped and looked at him and I thought about my friends question: yeah…he really is cute. But I just assumed that the girl he sat with was his girlfriend or something so I left it alone and started walking again.
That moment, though, when I stood and watched him go…I had no idea he was the love of my life. I had no idea that this stranger was going to be the one that would become my whole world and would mean everything to me. I didn’t know it then, but I know it now, that day was the first time I truly saw my greatest love.
In most of our pictures one of us is kissing the other ones cheek haha.
What follows is not super romantic I assure you haha. So at some point he added me on Facebook and then one day when I was at work he sent me a message (or a few, more accurately). At the job I was working at phones were an absolute no, so it was sitting in my locker and I got the messages when I was off. It was April 29th, 2017. We chatted a little bit and when the conversation ended he asked me if I wanted to get a coffee the next time he was in my city (as he had just moved somewhere 4 hours away). I said yes, but my thoughts initially were “who is this kid anyways?” I still knew almost nothing about him, but when I showed my mom a picture when I got from work, she had the same reaction to him that I did – “Oh he is so cute!”
I didn’t think anything would actually materialize…but to my surprise it did. We went for coffee in June when he came back to my city for his graduation and I couldn’t help but think how funny he was. He made me laugh, but also told me really personal things and this was only the first time that I really met him, but for some reason it wasn’t strange. It was like I was able to connect with him instantly and I have never in my life opened up to someone so quickly. I was telling him things that took me years to tell even my closest friends. It was just so easy to talk to him.
Now this next part might sound stupid, but I’m willing to take that risk. So I saw him again later that month when I was in his city, and we went for coffee again. Then, I think it was in July, we had my best first date. At this point I had only really known him since the end of April, we had gone on coffee dates twice, and only had this one “real” date. But I knew that I was in serious danger of falling in love with him. There was something magnetic about him, a spark that I have truly never felt with anyone else before, and honestly don’t think I will again. I felt it then, and I still hardly knew anything about him. Maybe that sounds crazy because how could you fall in love with someone you don’t even know? I’m not sure, but I was on the edge and ready to fall.
Then, not long after that amazing date, we fell out of touch. But what was so strange to me was I still thought about him for months after that…like, well into October. The only explanation that I can give for that is I had started to fall in love with him. Maybe this is the part in my story where you laugh and say something like “no, it couldn’t have been love.” If that’s what you are thinking, then I am here to tell you that if I hadn’t felt it, I would probably agree with you. But I felt it, it was real and it was crazy to think that something as big as love could happen so fast. There was just something about him that was so different from anyone I have ever dated.
So the months went by and he got a girlfriend and I did my own thing for awhile, but somehow, the universe had other plans. Like it knew that him and I belonged together… By the time February rolled around he was no longer with his girlfriend, so I decided to follow him on Instagram again. Apparently that led to him sending me a heartfelt apology about how he treated me before and I suggested we should be friends – which I knew the moment I said it was stupid because there was no way I could ever just be friends with someone I had been on the verge of falling in love with.
We continued talking and he asked me to go on a date when he came to visit on March break. I was freaking out, but at the same time could not have been more excited. We went to see another movie, this time “Love, Simon” and everything felt just like the first time – sitting in his car, talking until the moving started, and anxiously waiting for the moment when he would hold my hand. At the end of the movie when he told me he really wanted to kiss me I could hardly stay in my seat I was so nervous. Again, though, always full of surprises, he didn’t kiss me until he dropped me off at home, but it was exactly like I had remembered. His lips were soft and it felt like kissing sunshine. I could have kissed him forever.
Jumping ahead a bit from this date, and ignoring the fact that the above photo is horrible quality because I took it on social media, this was taken on April 27th of last year (thanks Snapchat memories), and it was one of the best days. I visited my soon to be boyfriend in his city and we had the most amazing evening together. It was the first time he ever played guitar for me, and he played and sang “Seaside” by the Kooks (which came to be our song). Maybe it was because I felt so strongly about him, but hearing him sing and play for me made something in my heart flip and I remember feeling like I was the only girl in the world. Not long after that, he pushed his table out of the way and we danced in the middle of his living room to “La Vie En Rose.” I could tell in those two moments that he felt the same way about me as I did about him.
Again, poor quality photo, but this was taken the day after this handsome man asked me to make things official and be his girlfriend (which was another best date ever might I add). I was hesitant to be in a relationship because I had been hurt so bad in the past – but I wanted to be with him more than anything and I jumped head first, hoping I wouldn’t get hurt, but thinking that if I did he would be worth it. That same day he took me to a beach not far outside the city, and even though it was May and the lake was still pretty frozen, we walked to a piece of driftwood and we sat in the cold with his arms around me looking at the frozen lake and the stars. I have always hated being cold, but the moment I was in was perfect because I was with the one who turned out to be the love of my life.
And for the record…he was worth every second. He was worth every mile in between us, every late night video call, and every good morning text. We were a summer flame that burned so bright. He made my life adventurous and wild like it never had been before. Something about him made me want to be young and dumb which anyone who knows me knows that I am the opposite. It was like when I was with him I didn’t have to think, I just did what felt right – I got to feel what it was like to be alive and in love.
I have this one photo of us from not too long after we started “officially” dating, and while I won’t share it here, it is something I will always love to go back to. It was when I visited him in his city, and he didn’t know I was taking a picture of him. I was laying on the couch with one knee up and he was leaning on it. He didn’t know I was even looking at him, but I snapped a picture because I never had realized how he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. His eyes actually sparkled and he looked at me like I was everything he ever wanted. And the reason I don’t want to share the photo is because this was such an intimate moment and I felt so unbelievably content that it is something I selfishly want to keep for myself.
Summer flew by because I was forever counting down the seconds until I saw him again. I lived for every moment we spent together and everything in between was just filler, it was just passing the time until he would step out of his car again and I would excitedly jump into his arms. I never wanted to let go in those times when I finally got him back and wrapped my arms around him again because there was never enough time. Never enough time to have him in my arms like that. I only wish I had told him all of this as I was feeling it. That he was the most important thing in my life and that I don’t even think I breathed when we were apart.
When I made the choice to fall, I fell hard and fast and it was only a matter of time until he consumed me. He was in my every thought. I could be sitting in class, but I would be wondering what he was doing, how his day was going, when there would be a moment the professor wasn’t looking at me and I could sneak in a quick text just because I missed him and wanted to feel connected.
One of my biggest problems, though, was my struggle with anxiety and depression that I mentioned in my blog post about 2018. I felt like I was a burden. I didn’t want to call him because I was worried I would be bothering him, and I worried if I texted him too much, or maybe not enough. I was inside my own head so much that it started to become harder to be present in the moment. I would have panic attacks, or depressive bouts that lasted longer than they should have and everything got harder. He was still all that I wanted, but I had a harder and harder time telling him that because I was convinced he could never want me the way I wanted him.
I remember Thanksgiving weekend when he came to visit his family and myself…it was Thanksgiving Monday, the day he was due to leave again, and this time it felt different. He had come over to visit me and have coffee before he left and I felt more strongly than I ever had before that I didn’t want him to leave – I didn’t want to let go of him. I’m not sure if I knew that things were going to change between us, but I knew that all I wanted was to keep hugging him and keep asking for just one more kiss, just 5 more minutes.
It wasn’t long after he left that things between us ended very abruptly and I entered into a very long period of depression. Again, I talked more about this in my post about my 2018 and won’t get into it much here, but my heart was shattered more than I thought was possible. I had experienced heart break before, but this time it was different, like just existing used up all my energy. I didn’t want to go to work, or school, much less see anybody. And I waited a really long time to tell most of my friends what happened because I didn’t want to believe it was real and that this was happening to me. It was over 3 weeks before I told most of my friends – and I am sorry to those that I kept in the dark for so long.
Also in my 2018 post I mentioned him and I were talking again, and we did for awhile and tried to work through some things, but to no avail. It’s now about 6 months since the initial break up, and unlike my first experience with heart break where 2 and 1/2 months later I was going on dates, I have less than zero interest in entertaining that idea. No one will ever be him and no one will make me feel the way he did. I don’t think I believe in soul mates or having a one true love because I think people can have more than one person who they belong with, but without a trace of doubt in my mind this boy was my once in a lifetime.
Since October I have talked to a few people who have said they had this feeling for someone before and they lost it – they lost it and never had it again. The whole time we were together I was so scared of the thought of losing him that it never occurred to me what would happen if I actually did…because somehow I thought I never would. I have never once dated someone that I thought would be the person I would marry until him. I don’t know if whoever is reading this might think I’m being foolish, or that I couldn’t possibly know that he was the one when I have dated so few people…but I knew it then, and I know it now. Six months gone and he is still on my mind. Six months gone and I still wonder if he is thinking about me…if he misses me the way that I miss him.
Now, I know that the last few times I have done posts in this series I have given advice or suggestions to deal with the pain that accompanies heart break – or the good that can come after. This time, though, I am going to apologize to you all because it has been half a year and he is still all that I can think about and is the only thing that I want. I wish I could say I had some cure-all advice, but I struggled so extraordinarily hard with this.
All I can say is if you are experiencing anything at all like what I have just described – isolating yourself does no good. It only adds to the loneliness and creates a barrier between you and the rest of the world. Let your friends in. Let your family in. They want to help you, even if it may seem like they have no idea what you are going through – sometimes what helps is as simple as your mom telling you to put on something other than pyjamas and go to the grocery store to pick up a few things.
Get out of the house, don’t let your life pass you by. It’s okay if you don’t get over him/her, but you can’t let that sadness overshadow the other things that may be important to you, like school, or athletics, or family and friends. You have to keep living.
Take control of your sadness, don’t let it control you. And know that it’s okay if you keep that person in your heart forever, because even if you aren’t the love of their life, it’s okay for them to be the love of yours.
Hey lovelies – I know I always apologize for being MIA, but this time I know it was for a long time. For this post I want to share some things with you, personal things and this post is going to be a bit different from my usual beauty or lifestyle posts only because I want to be really real and honest with you all about some things that are on my mind. Also in this post I will be doing my usual end of year summary of how my year went, so please hang on for the ride, I have a lot to say (no surprise).
My January was nothing super special, and I mean, that month usually isn’t because I go back to school in January so I kind of just try and figure out a routine and how my semester is going to go. I went out with friends a few times so that was nice, but nothing too crazy.
February for me was not the most fun, I got really sick and then fell behind in school for a little while so trying to catch up was extremely stressful, but somehow I managed to pull it off! Before I got sick, though, I got to go and see an awesome concert with my mumsie. We went to see Brett Kissel and his opening act Buck Twenty Band who were so sweet! In the picture below, ignore the fact, that I look like I have been dead for seven days and seven nights, but I got to get a picture with the opener and was so happy!
Also in February, a certain man reappeared in my life who I just so happened to fall in love with – which I will talk about in a moment, but if you didn’t read that blog post you can do that here!
At the very beginning of March my baby brother turned 3! He is getting so big it is absolutely insane. He might be almost 4 now but he will always be a little baby in my eyes. Other than that, March and April were mainly me playing catch up to make sure my grades stayed up so I could keep my scholarships. At the end of April when I finished exams my family and I took a little trip to where the man I wanted very badly to be my boyfriend lives (I mean my best friend lives there too but whatever lol). Of course that was fun and a nice way to start my 4 and a half month long summer vacation!
May was a very happy month. I got my wish and snagged the guy that I had my eye on – on May 4th actually – you know…star wars day. Pretty important. Also I had my 21st birthday in May and honestly that was the best birthday I think I have ever had. I felt so incredibly loved and was lucky enough to be surrounded by my family and friends and then have my boyfriend surprise me by driving to my city a day early. I honestly couldn’t think of a more perfect day. Not gonna lie though – kind of hungover for work the next day. Oops?
Also in May it was my turn to make the drive and I went to visit my boyfriend and my best friend for a weekend of pure bliss. I went shopping with my best friend, we went out for dinner and to a local bar, and then had a sleepover. I stayed with my boyfriend for a night as well and he made me a candlelit supper and we had a lovely breakfast the next day with coffee on his back porch. It was such a happy weekend and I was so glad that I went. Actually, between you and me, that was the weekend that I knew that I loved my boyfriend. I know, I know – that’s super fast to fall in love, but I didn’t tell him for another few weeks after that. Also, I don’t think love really has a timer on it, when it happens you just know.
Like can we just talk about how gorgeous my boyfriends backyard was in the spring? Absolutely gorgeous.
Then the summer came and all of the months sort of blurred together. I worked a lot – in the summer I have two jobs so my only day off is Sunday – and my boyfriend came to visit almost every two weeks which was so incredibly sweet of him. We camped a lot too at my family camp which is one of my favourite places on this planet. I can’t say much about the summer months because summer always becomes one giant mess in my head and I can’t get the order of things straight – so instead I added some of my favourite summer photos…most of them are at one camp or another, naturally.
August, though, is when things really started to change for me and this is what I mentioned above that I wanted to share with you all. This is something I don’t know if I have ever talked about in a blog post before, but something very close to my heart and something I don’t tend to talk about. I have had anxiety since high school – originally self-diagnosed then later confirmed by my family doctor (not that that matters). This is something I struggle with particularly during school and have had my fair share of anxiety attacks. Often when people find out that I have anxiety they are surprised because outwardly I don’t appear to struggle and I try to keep myself in check when I am out in public.
Nevertheless this is something that I know that I have to deal with and try my best to keep under control. However, around the beginning of August I was constantly anxious. I wasn’t having any attacks, but I was consistently anxious from day to day and couldn’t pinpoint why or get it under control. Then, I started not wanting to go out. People that I normally really enjoyed wanting to be around I found exhausting to hangout with (by no fault of theirs). So my mom and I decided I should probably see my doctor about it. This is when I learned that not only do I have anxiety, but I also have depression. Neither are situational, meaning these are things I will always have to deal with in my life on a day to day basis. Of course the depression thing made sense, but was still hard to handle knowing that I really did have it and it wasn’t just me being over-dramatic – which I tend to be.
The main reason that I don’t like to talk about these things is because people who haven’t experienced it don’t seem to get it. Many people confuse stress and anxiety and they are not the same thing. The same with depression, I can be having the best day of my life but if my head is in a dark place that day there is nothing anyone can do to help me – I just have to deal with it. It isn’t as simple as having an amazing day and the clouds in my head clear up. They don’t. If I wake up and struggle to get out of bed in the morning it is a dark day and nothing anyone else says or does can change it. It is up to me to deal with it and try and be okay.
This is me on a good day.
When I visited my doctor he gave me a prescription to try and help me deal with my anxiety and depression, but unfortunately I had a bad reaction and couldn’t take it. So I spent my fall semester trying to deal with the “demons” if you will, in my head, and also do well in school. September was a really hard month for me and it was all I could do to keep my head above water. So I put on a smile for my little sisters birthday and tried to stay caught up in school. Luckily for me things were good with my boyfriend so he was really supportive and came to visit me during a particularly difficult spot.
October was good for the most part. I had a reading week so I got to take a break to catch up in school and visit with my family and my boyfriend. I actually went to my boyfriends for thanksgiving dinner, and then had my best friend over for thanksgiving dinner the following day. My brother also had a little Halloween party which was super cute – I dressed up as a farmer and my brother, mom, and dad were all lumberjacks. My sister was the odd one out and dressed up as a fairy (lol). Oh! And my gorgeous friend who takes all of my little photoshoot pictures did a family photoshoot for me and my little fam so that was super cute.
The end of October was when things really took a turn for the worse and my world came crashing down around me. Things ended between my boyfriend and I. And maybe that is a whole post in and of itself, but even though he was the one who left, I would never say a bad word about him. It has been two months now and I still see him as the love of my life. I have truly never felt the way I do about him about anyone else before. Maybe it sounds cheesy or whatever else you may think – but he is my once in a lifetime, there will never be another him and I can say that with the utmost certainty. I could write pages about him, and I have, but now isn’t the time to share that with you.
The entire month of November for me was dark. I felt stuck in place and unable to move forward, or even backward for that matter, I couldn’t move at all. I didn’t want to go to class, I would cry in the bathroom at work, and doing homework was almost impossible. Anxiety was clouded over with depression taking the lead and entirely consuming me, but I just let it. I didn’t even try to fight it. I stopped talking to most of my friends and family and isolated myself for pretty much the whole month. I didn’t leave the house unless I had class or work, and I spent the rest of my time at home.
By the end of November him and I talked things through and I was able to snap out of it and finished the semester much stronger than I thought I was capable of. I ended up doing well in my classes, getting many of the scholarships I applied for, and my professors were amazing during the whole process. This past semester was the hardest one I’ve had in university, but I did it.
Now here we are – Christmas just passed and 2019 is fast approaching. I am currently talking to my ex-boyfriend again (I honestly don’t even like referring to him as that, but whatever) and I can’t tell you what will happen between us, but I am going to continue to be stupidly hopeful and leave my heart open to the possibility of getting totally shattered again and praying that it won’t.
I am truly thankful for everyone who did not give up on me this year and while it was a really hard year, a lot of good still came out of it and for that I am so grateful and thankful. And thank you to all of you as well – thank you for reading and thank you for following along as I stumble my way through this crazy thing called life. I hope that in 2019 I will have happiness and that you all will too.
Hello my lovelies, my God do I ever miss you. First thing’s first though, it is my Two Year Anniversary with WordPress today! You guys this is insanity. That means two years ago today, I was sitting in my living room when I looked at my mom and said “I’m going to start a blog.” I spent most of that night making a page that I was proud of and within only a few days I had posted my first blog post! I have loved every single second I have been using this platform and can’t believe I have touched so many people all over the world with the words I write. To me, that is amazing and I love every single one of you that has read, liked, commented, shared, and supported me so far throughout my journey. My heart is so full!
Now to give y’all a real quick update on what I have been up to because I’m pretty much always MIA (I’m so sorry, I swear I love you). First of all, work has kept me pretty busy, considering in July and August I work 6 days a week: 5 days at my 9-4 desk job, and Saturdays housekeeping at my camp. Not that I am complaining though, I love my desk job, and the extra money from my camp work is super helpful in paying off the car I bought last summer, which is almost totally paid off now!
Also…on the off-chance you haven’t seen my most recent blog post…I am now officially unavailable (apologies to the non-existent line-up of people wanting to date me). Since my boyfriend and I are long distance, whenever we do get to see each other I spend pretty much every second I can with him – which I mean, keeps a girl pretty busy. Again, not that I mind, he really is lovely and we always come up with something fun to do. He actually has come out to camp with me a lot this summer which has been really nice. It’s nice to have company, even just to do nothing with.
As well, a few months ago I celebrated my 21st birthday with the best group of people. It was one of my best birthdays to date, I had the most amazing day thanks to everyone I love and care about making me feel exceptional. My coworkers made my work day so fun, my family made my birthday dinner special which made my heart so happy (ESPECIALLY MY CAKE…my God was my cake ever good), and my friends made my evening unforgettable. I truly am blessed with some amazing people in my life that I would never ever take for granted.
I also did another lil photo-shoot just this Sunday – so keep your eyeballs peeled for the photos from that coming v soon to a blog post near you…I think I’m funny.
Other than all of that I have been trying to relax in what little spare time I do have. Usually reading or laying out in the sun somewhere just existing. With school starting again in a little over a month (my last year of Uni, guys help) I am taking every second I can to enjoy not stressing about assignments and deadlines.
Anyways, I will leave you all with this closing thought: Thank you all SO much for your support, and I can’t wait for whatever adventures writing for you guys may bring me!
Hello lovelies! How are ya? I hope you are all doing well and that the weather wherever in the world you are is just as lovely as it is where I am. Many of you may recall a blog post I did last year in September about the best first date I have ever been on, and how that whole thing unfolded. (If you haven’t read that one yet, you can here). Basically, I wanted to make a part two and update you about how things continued to unfold with that same boy. I love to keep you guys up to date, and I really like giving you “Part Two’s” on posts you seemed to love. So, without further babbling on my part, let’s get into it.
First of all, it was funny to me when I wrote my first post about this boy, how someone wanted to know why more dates didn’t work out – and my response was this: “He was wonderful, but sadly I wasn’t the one for him it would seem. In a perfect world maybe we would have worked out!” At the time, I wasn’t the one for him and maybe it was the world’s way of telling me that the timing just wasn’t right. We weren’t ready for each other yet. Maybe I’m foolish for believing that everything happens for a reason…but I truly believe that.
HOWEVER. Hold onto your hats ladies and gents because here is where things take an unexpected turn (or maybe you expected it, I can’t read your minds). Months and months go by with no more word from “best date ever boy,” until one day in February one of my best friends texted me in a frenzy to tell me this boy was once again single. Of course, I am one to give second chances, or really however many chances it takes to get something right. I saw an opportunity to swoop back in, and I seized it.
One thing leads to another, he tells me he is going to be back in my city (he lives 3 hours away) in March and would like to take me on date. Naturally I panic like you would not believe. I hadn’t seen this kid in…7ish months? Also, by this point I am starting to catch feelings for him again so I was extra panic-y. We ended up going to the movies to see Love, Simon and I was just as nervous, maybe even more so, than the first time I had gone to the movies with him.
When the movie was over he drove me home and we chatted for a few minutes before he started nervous talking and then looked at me and said “I’m going to shut up and kiss you now.” And kissing him was just as nice as I remembered it being, kind of like if you could kiss sunshine. That nice, but only if sunshine wasn’t burning hot, just warm and happy.
I don’t know if this photo is any indication of where him and I are now, but just so I don’t leave any room for interpretation…we are officially together *excited squeals.* We dated and chatted from that first date in March until May 4th (lol…May the fourth…May the fourth be with you…star wars….lol) when he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. He makes my heart so happy and it is so funny to me how this whole thing came full circle because it would have been around May last year when we started talking for the first time. I honestly believed the words that I wrote in that comment on my post last year, that the timing just wasn’t right for us. I also believe that now might in fact be the right timing, we got our second chance and neither one of us were letting it slip away.
Since that first date we went on in March, he has since surprised me twice by showing up in my city when I did not expect him to. The first time he said it was because he missed his family and that he also really wanted to see me again. The second time was just a few weeks ago on May 17th for my 21st birthday. I wasn’t expecting him to come until the next day, but he got let off work much earlier than expected and drove up a day early so he could see me and wish me a happy birthday in person on my birthday. Like…? How sweet…? I am not even convinced he is a real person sometimes because of how thoughtful and kind he is.
Also, in case you were wondering, we continue to have many best dates because every date with him is one of my best dates ever – but our first will always be number one. I feel so lucky and so happy that we were given this second chance.
Of course, as anyone might be with giving second chances, I was skeptical, and so were a lot of my friends and family. They didn’t want me to get hurt…I didn’t want me to get hurt. But he was my what if. What if we had worked out all those months ago? What if we had dated? I had to know. Even if things went poorly, at least I would know and I would get my closure. So I took a leap of faith – and I am so glad that I did.
Before I met him, I had all these rules for myself; rules to try and keep me from getting hurt (which I talk about in both of my heartbreak posts). I actually hadn’t had a boyfriend for almost 2 years before him. I think, though, he was the first one I wanted bad enough that I let myself be vulnerable, and I let myself feel. I was scared, and I still am, but he is everything that I have been looking for – even though I wasn’t looking for anything at all. He treats me like a princess and makes every day happy even when he is far away. I am forever counting down the days until I get to see him and I haven’t felt like that about someone in such a long time.
I know we just started dating only a month ago really (even though we were “seeing each other” a few months before we became “official” – like what even are these terms?) – so everything is new and happy, but I never want to stop feeling like this. And I can’t wait to see what adventures life has in store for us, no matter what they are, I hope you all are ready to come along for the journey.
Hey lovelies! I feel like I haven’t talked to you guys in years! Which I mean is kind of true since I have just been MIA for like 4 months. Since it’s been practically forever I thought I would give you all an update on my life these past 4 months and why I haven’t been active on my blog.
January was really nothing out of the ordinary, I started my second semester of my third year and I was kind of busy, but not overly so. I actually started a few blog posts (which will be coming very soon I promise) that I ran out of time to finish. Overall though, January was pretty normal in terms of being busy, and I planned on putting up a few posts in February or on my reading week or something.
Me in January before I became entirely dysfunctional.
February was just a whole other barrel of monkeys though. I started to get sick probably the week before my reading week, around Valentine’s Day. I kind of just assumed it was the same cold that my whole family had, but they didn’t seem to have anything too serious so I figured I would be better in a week or so. Over my reading week (a few days later) I actually thought I was getting better and my whole family had gotten significantly worse. So I was like man, how uncharacteristic of my immune system to be on the ball and actually functioning like it’s supposed to. Boy was I ever wrong.
My mom and I had a concert on February 25th that I had bought the tickets to back in November, but that day I felt the worst I had since getting this dreadful sickness. However, like the true country music fan I am, I took a nap and rallied myself to go to this concert because I was not missing it. I even drank a beer, but I literally felt like I was dying. I mean, I’m sure waiting in line in the freezing cold outside did not help any, but when I woke up the next day I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t even cough to try and get some relief. I had actually been to the doctors twice already, both times being told that I was fine and to go home. But I knew I was 100% not fine.
Brett Kissel
Buck Twenty Band and an extraordinarily sick me.
I then decided that even though I really didn’t want to go to the hospital, for fear of catching some new disease, that was really the best option. I ended up waiting for around 2, maybe 3 hours at which point the doctor at the hospital said it sounded like I had pneumonia in my right lung. I was like oh okay that’s nice, so he prescribed me an antibiotic which I picked up and then went home. When I got home I decided to take a shower to boil the hospital germs off me, then go to my room to lay down.
Something was weird though, I couldn’t stay awake and I felt really out of it. Eventually my mom came to check on me to see if I was just being dramatic, but as soon as she saw me she said I was scaring her. I guess (I didn’t know this) I was bright red and she checked my temperature and it was pretty high so she said I was going back to the hospital no questions asked. She tried to help me sit up in bed, but my body felt too heavy and as soon as she finally got me sitting I felt like I was going to throw up. Like there was no hope in Hell of me making it out to my dad’s truck. So my mom asked if I would rather have the paramedics come and take me to the hospital by ambulance (because I couldn’t breathe great either) so I said yes.
She called 911 and the paramedics pretty much said that I just had a really high fever and until it broke I was going to feel like trash, but that there was nothing they would be able to do for me at the hospital. Tylenol and Gatorade to stay hydrated was my best bet they said. Fast forward about two days and I had a follow-up appointment with my actual physician. At which point he told me it did sound like I had pneumonia and to keep taking the antibiotics. HOWEVER, the antibiotics were giving me horrible side effects (I’ll spare you the details), and literally the next day my doctor’s nurse called me back to tell me to stop taking the antibiotics because I might be having an allergic reaction to them – because I had bumps all over my hands, etc.
Anyways, all of that was a super long winded and probably entirely unnecessary detailed account of how I was sick for basically the entire month of February. Naturally, I missed a week of university because I was sick and dying and stuff, so then I was behind in all of my courses on top of everything else. It felt like I was never going to catch up and I really am not sure how I did, but it took me all of March and most of this month to get there.
Now, though, I am finally done my third year of university and the “semester from Hell,” as I so lovingly referred to it. Also, now you guys know why I have been MIA for what feels like forever. Luckily, now I have a lot more time to write blog posts and things like that, that I can’t wait to share with you guys!
PS thanks for still reading my blog posts and whatnot while I was busy, so much love for you guys.
Hey again lovelies! Last year I really enjoyed doing a post about My 2016 and loved being able to reflect on the year that I had, so I am going to do it again with my 2017 – which was definitely a roller coaster. Plus, what better way to start 2018 than reflecting on this past year.
January was relatively uneventful for me, the boy I had been dating at Christmas time was gone home (a foreign exchange student that I wrote about here) and all my friends went back to school so I was generally unpleasant to be around. However, my friend who lives in Britain came back for another semester so it was wonderful to spend more time with him. We are still friends actually, and talk regularly, he came back to visit in September which I will talk about more in a sec.
February was pretty awful, I was quite sick and was on antibiotics twice within a three week span (double ear and eye infection, and then strep). I hadn’t been on antibiotics since I was a kid so that was an experience. March was much better though, my baby brother turned two (!) and I had the pleasure of attending a gala for a girl I went to high school with to raise money for her various cancer treatments. My best friend came as my date and I was so glad that I was able to give my support even though me and the girl never talked much in high school. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know her that well, I still wanted to help out by buying my ticket and then buying raffle tickets etc. at the gala. It was nice to help out and it was a lovely evening.
In April I officially finished my second year of university and was accepted for an amazing position at my university. I had applied and interviewed for a job with one of the professors of the English department (which is my field of study) at my university and I got the position! It was such a good opportunity for me and it was a full time position that provided me with such incredible experience. If I recall correctly I celebrated by going out with my friend to get manicures.
May 1st I started my new job at the university, I was so super nervous but my two coworkers were incredible and so helpful and my boss was absolutely amazing. The position was 9-5 Monday to Friday until the end of August, but that was by my choosing because the hours were incredibly flexible. As long as I fulfilled a certain number of hours by the end of the summer I was free to make my own hours – which I definitely did. Also in May…I turned 20! I officially became 2 decades old and I celebrated by going out to a club with two of my bestest friends before my birthday, having cupcakes at work and leaving early on my birthday, and then going out to camp for the may long weekend after my birthday. I felt so so so loved.
In June my little sister, my friend and I all went to see Little Ray’s Reptiles like we did last summer and that is always a fun experience, my sister will hold/touch anything she is allowed, last year it was a scorpion! This year I convinced her to hold a tarantula which freaked me right out. Also in June my family and I went for a little day trip to a city 3 hours away from us to do some shopping, visit my dad who was working there at the time, and for me to visit a few of my friends. We only stayed for one night but we did a lot of shopping and we took my friend out for dinner like we always do when we are in town. I also went for a little Tim Hortons date with the boy I was talking to at the time (will talk about him more in a moment – he was the one who took me on my best date) and went out to a few bars with my friend that evening. It was such a fun little weekend away!
PS – that is my hand holding that tarantula.
July was probably the most eventful month out of my whole summer, which overall wasn’t too eventful anyways (my summer I mean) since I worked in an office and also acted as cleaning staff at my camp all summer. For Canada Day my family and I were out at camp, but for the Fourth of July I took my sister and two of her friends out for iced cream, the park, and then to sit and watch the fireworks. It was so cute to see how excited they were about the fireworks. It wasn’t very long after this outing (maybe a week or something like that) that I had my best date ever…like seriously, ever. I could probably go on for paragraphs about this, but instead I will just direct your attention to the link I gave you and hope you go take a look.
Also in July I got my first ever car!!! A little 2002 Toyota Echo, I named her Hildy and I was and still am over the moon. It is still so awesome to be able to go where I want, whenever I want without having to ask to borrow my moms car, or ask for a ride, or try and figure out transportation to and from places like work. That is definitely not something I take for granted. It is so good on gas too, but mostly I love it because its mine and it gives me more freedom which sometimes I so crave.
August was a lovely wind down to the summer: we were visited at camp by some family friends who we hadn’t seen since the previous summer, I attended a lovely white dress party hosted by a friend I went to high school with, and my best friend (whom I have known since I was 3) finally came home from her 10 month volunteer exchange in Thailand! It was so lovely to finally see her in real life and not just through our snapchat conversations while she was away. Also in August, I was offered the opportunity to keep my summer position at the university, part-time, for my entire third year of university on a contract! Obviously I was ecstatic and accepted because I love my job. I still do love my job and I probably will until I have to stop doing it.
In September I started my third year of university – which is absolutely crazy to me because that means next year (like 2019) I graduate. Not too much on that because that will just stress me out haha. So I started back to school which was nothing too eventful, until my friend from Britain who I mentioned earlier, came back to visit for a week! It was so fun, we went out for breakfast like we used to all the time when he was studying here, and we visited a corn maze at a little farm in my town. This was all during a massive heat wave so it didn’t feel very autumnal doing a corn maze in shorts whilst sweating, but whatever. My sissy also turned 12 in September! Seriously cannot believe she is that big already.
October was a very cozy month, I spent a lot of time with family at camp on Thanksgiving and also at home on my reading week. My nephew had his first birthday in October as well and it was such a blessing that I was able to be there for that, especially since I have known his momma since I was in elementary school. October was also Halloween, which meant numerous opportunities to dress up. I went as a butterfly for my brother’s trick or treating party and I went as a football player to my school pub. I also started dating again in October which has proved to be fruitful as I am still going on dates with the same person (who is very lovely by the way).
In November I started to feel super festive and began getting into the Christmas spirit, even though I had like 300 papers to write for school. Literally like 3 days after Remembrance day my shared office at work was decorated and not long after that we had both (that’s right we have two) Christmas trees set up in my home. This month there was also the Christmas tree festival and various other festive things going on in my city to kick off the Christmas season, and I tried to take part in as much of it as possible whilst still drowning in homework.
Finally, December – this month started with a freakin’ bang let me tell you, because December 2nd was the 12 barz pub crawl that my friend decided we had to be a part of. I will admit I was skeptical, but I did really enjoy myself it turned out. I finished classes and final projects really early because I had no exams this semester which was the best thing that possibly could have ever happened to me in my life, so I was able to really enjoy all the festive things that my family was doing all month. As well, my office and the rest of the staff in the library where my office is located got into the festive spirit too and we all went out for a lovely holiday lunch. The same day as the lunch, my office did a secret santa gift exchange – the whole day was such a nice last day of work before the new year.
December is always such a happy month for me because I finally get to take a break from school and spend time with my family and friends. I got to visit friends from out of town, and ones who go away for school which is always nice. Then on Christmas Eve my whole family gets together at my great-grandparents house for dinner and presents. We have been doing that ever since I can remember and I always feel so blessed and so grateful to have a family that loves me that I can make these memories with. I think it is because of this tradition that Christmas has always been so special to me.
Finally, it was time to say goodbye to 2017 and while usually I spend New Years Eve with friends, this year I felt like a homebody and really just wanted to spend time with my family. So instead of going out, I stayed in and watched a movie with my parents and my sister, and I said hello to 2018 hugging my little family.
So now, I just want to take a second to thank everyone who made my 2017 the crazy amazing year it was. I want to thank the friends that I made this year for choosing to be a part of my life, and also the friends that I lost this year, for reminding me that nothing in life is ever guaranteed and sometimes, I am better off on my own. Also to the friends that have stuck by for as long as I can remember, it does not go unnoticed and I have so much love in my heart for you all. Thank you also to my boss and coworkers for making me happy to go to work. Most importantly though, thank you to my family for your never-ending support and encouragement. If it weren’t for all of you I would never have made it to where I am today.
As I welcome in 2018, I also want to thank all of you for your continued support surrounding what I write. I can’t wait to see what 2018 has in store for me, but I hope it is filled with blessings – and I hope that yours is too.
Hey lovelies! Guess what I have for ya…a Christmas themed post! I am in love with the entire Christmas season, like I am talking November 12th, the day after Remembrance Day, until Christmas I am decking my halls like you would not believe. But, I know for some people it can be hard to get into the Christmas spirit, especially with everything going on in our busy bee lives. So here are 5 tips from me to help you get into the holiday spirit! (PS. They aren’t just things like “decorate a tree,” because I feel like those are obvious).
Baking: This one seems kind of strange, but bear with me – honestly nothing will get you into the spirit more than delicious holiday treats. My family always goes nuts with the Christmas baking so we have a huge variety of sweet treats to choose from, but you don’t necessarily have to go crazy like we do. There are plenty of YouTube videos and Pinterest recipes that show you how to make super simple holiday themed treats that are sure to spark some holiday cheer somewhere inside you.
Cookies made with my Nanny.
2. Shopping: So this seems pretty obvious, because how else would you get Christmas presents if you didn’t go shopping? But in this day and age you could literally do all of your shopping online and never have to leave your house…where is the fun in that? Sure the stores will be noisy this time of year, and probably crowded, but half of the fun is the hustle and bustle – everyone hurrying to find that perfect gift. And the stores are always decorated and have holiday ranges out that are so fun to browse through. This definitely makes it feel like Christmas for me anyways.
One of the best stores for Christmas ranges is Bath and Body Works. They do Christmas BIG TIME. Definitely would recommend a visit there.
3. Music: If y’all have never heard Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby you are seriously missing out. It’s old timey Christmas music that makes you think of black and white movies and elegant Christmas parties – which kind of sounds like strange a combination, but it does something inside your heart I swear. Like it makes you feel so warm and cozy and it just puts you in the best holiday spirit. Both of the singers I suggested have whole albums you can find on YouTube or Spotify – I have them interchangeably on repeat this month!
Taken from Google – Probably one of my favourite Christmas albums.
4. Movies: I feel like this kind of goes hand in hand with music, but what better way to get into the holiday spirit than by watching a Christmas movie? There is literally an abundance of them, Netflix this month even has an entire category dedicated to Christmas/Christmas-themed movies. I have so many that I watch every year, and there are ones for whatever mood you might be in. Want to laugh? Elf, and Christmas Vacation. Want romance? The Holiday, and Bridget Jones’s Diary. Feel good family movie? A Christmas Story. Basically, there is a plethora of movies to choose from and what better way to get into the holiday mood than cuddling up on your couch or in bed with a warm drink and a good movie?
Taken from Google.
5. Holiday Parties: This last tip is a bit more ambitious, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be a big party, just some sort of party or activity that gets you feeling like a part of something bigger that gives you that warm fuzzy feeling. One thing that happens in my city is the “Festival of Trees,” where a bunch of businesses donate trees and prizes to be won. Basically you wander around with friends and family, admire the trees, maybe get a drink or take a picture with Santa, and enter the various raffles. Not really a party, but still a festive activity getting you involved with the community.
Something else that I am pretty sure is just Canadian, is a pub crawl called 12 Barz (like 12 days of Christmas…how punny) where you go to various bars and have to complete as many tasks as you can on the shirt that you receive with the purchase of your ticket. This definitely requires a lot more energy, but it does put you into the Christmas spirit believe it or not, because you are surrounded with so many other people who all just want to have a good time.
That’s kind of the bottom line here – Christmas is about having fun, relaxing, and spending time with friends and family. These are just some other fun ways to help put you into the holiday spirit, which can be hard when everyone is always so busy. So make sure this holiday season to take the time to take everything in and really enjoy it. Visit friends and family you haven’t had time to see in awhile, bake with your mom, help your siblings decorate the tree. Take the time to just be in the moment.
I hope you all have the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years.
Hailey 